Why I Self-Pleasure
You may notice that resistance immediately arises when you think of self-pleasuring. It's a taboo topic that when discussed, is often accompanied by awkward laughter, shame, secrecy, or avoidance altogether. So if you feel uncomfortable with it, please welcome and love yourself in that discomfort because you are not alone.
Due to the fact that sexuality carries such a massive history of shame & suppression in our culture, it holds a LOT of energy. This is the case with any societal taboo - anything that has been suppressed or condemned inevitably holds an incredible amount of power & energy for us to access as we break through the shame surrounding it.
Therefore, addressing our sexual shame and resistance can massively shift the rest of our lives. So while this post is called "Why I Self-Pleasure," it could also be called how your life can change through self-pleasure.
Note: the benefits of self-pleasure that I write about below are those that I experienced when I learned to pleasure myself in an exploratory, relaxed, and curious way (as described in my article: How to Self-Pleasure for Personal Transformation). The primary intention behind my own personal self-pleasure practice & teachings is to connect with self. While self-pleasuring with the specific goal of peak-orgasm is still enjoyable, you’ll notice that I don’t advocate for chasing peak-orgasms in any of my teachings… More on that in my course Viva La Vagina.
1. Self-Permission
This was one of the first shifts I noticed when I began to intentionally self-pleasure - the fact that I suddenly gave myself more permission in all areas of my life. There are many reasons as to why we don't give ourselves permission, which may have to do with shame, a deep-held belief that sexual pleasure is wrong, fear of judgment from others, or not feeling worthy. So by intentionally pleasuring yourself, you may become aware of how you have not previously allowed yourself to receive pleasure - from others or by offering it to yourself.
For me, it was realizing that I needed to give myself permission to deeply receive. To deeply love myself. The permission to self-pleasure then begins to show up as self-permission in other areas of life because those limiting beliefs and patterns are transformed on such an intimate and embodied level.
2. Freedom from Shame
For many, simply attempting to self-pleasure will bring up shame. Shame around masturbation. Shame around some aspect of our vagina (how it looks/smells/tastes etc.). Shame around engaging with sexual energy in general. Shame around giving to oneself. Shame around feeling disconnected from one's sexuality or vagina. Shame around disrespecting our own bodies (i.e. having sex when we didn't want to). Maybe even shame around being a woman (or man). So when we self-pleasure, we come face to face with this shame and are provided with the opportunity to integrate it.
3. Knowing Thyself
As we discover how to pleasure ourselves, we learn what we really want from our lovers. This also works the other way around, as we realize that what we like to receive from a partner we can often give to ourselves. One misconception about self-pleasure is that it is just about pleasuring the "sexual parts" of ourselves. But self-pleasure can be touching and massaging ourselves in all kinds of ways, not just stroking our genitals. The exploration and learning is endless!
4. Pleasure Potential
As we consciously explore pleasure in the body, we give ourselves the opportunity to discover new paths of pleasure. Our pleasure potential is endless, and yet many of us don’t venture outside of our own “tried & true” habits. The more I’ve spent time with an exploratory and non-goal-oriented approach, the more I am able to self-pleasure in a relaxed and curious way - which continues to result in greater pleasure-filled discoveries!
5. Awareness
Intentional self-pleasure is like a meditation. It's about slowing down, being mindful, and creating awareness by observing our body's physical and emotional responses. It's an incredible way to connect with ourselves and induce relaxation away from our typical fight-or-flight state of being. In addition, conscious self-pleasure enhances our awareness of emotions we may be suppressing or avoiding.
6. Confidence
Self-esteem is influenced by the limiting beliefs we have about ourselves or the value we place on the judgments of others. Through self-pleasure, we discover many of these limiting beliefs and fears… Beliefs that we aren’t worthy, or that we don’t deserve to receive pleasure. In discovering these blocks and simultaneously showing ourselves love in a physical way (i.e. through self-touch & affection), we can experience breakthroughs in an embodied, reality-shifting way. We literally show ourselves that we are worthy and lovable.
7. Body Image
By actively loving, appreciating, and experiencing the pleasure potential of our body, we can feel more reverence and love for the beautiful vessel that we live in. This is huge! When I started focusing on how my body FEELS rather than being pre-occupied with how it LOOKS, I began experiencing an inner radiance that became an outer radiance as well.
7. Empowerment & Sovereignty
The value and enjoyment we can receive from being pleasured by another person is huge. But it's empowering when we no longer need to rely on someone else to provide this to us. We can meet our own needs and this results in a sense of empowerment and freedom.
8. Healing
We give our body the ability to heal itself when we relax and surrender into deep pleasurable states. By massaging and bringing awareness to the internal and external parts of ourself that we don't often connect with, we can release tension, emotions, pain, and trauma. So as we self-pleasure, allowing ourselves to fully express anger, sadness, laughter, and deep joy or relief can be an essential part of the healing process.
To learn more about transforming your life through your relationship with your vagina & sexuality, check out the online course, Viva La Vagina.